Bubbles in the brain

breaking up inside

2006-02-01T03:29:23Z

Well well what to write today.. not much is new, nucomm fucked me over, surprise surprise... I had a negative attitude in training i was told.. negative... I sat there was friendly to all got excelent marks on tests sept the last one cause i was sick with strep throat, and darryl made me do it without preping me and i failed by 3% then he denyed me a rewrite... but yeah... negative... guess your not allowed making friends at work and doing a good job... So now i'm loooking for more work which of course there is none.. I tried all over, i will keep trying tomorrow i call about a cruise ship job aswell, i need work why does it have to be so fucking hard for a 20 year old woman to find a fucking job i'm either not young enough or not old enough they want teens for fastfood cause they don't complain about minimum wage and old people for everything else cause they don't like people unders 30.. so how the FUCK am i suppose to live, i understand bums now, there denyed a chance everywhere they turn people lie and degrade them to outcast them and leave them with nothing to even get away and make something more... i just want a job long enough to move the fuck out of this fucking hell hole I HATE IT HERE!!!!... gimme 3000$ now k >(

blahererggrbnjasbd.a

2006-01-18T16:08:11Z

yup... Oh man i'm starved like so hungery my stomcah is growling angerily at me and i feel the urge to vomit, but i won't cause my stomachs to empty... i should go eat... Mmm but then i'll get fat :( BUT i could nibble celery and cheese! Or go smoke a bowl and pass out till i feel like eating.. No I don't starve myself, i admit i do have a mild anorixia problem, i am disgusted with food, it makes me fatter :( BUT i make a habbit of atleast eating one full meal a day at least... so no i don't go days without food, but i doo have to smoke up just to eat... when high i don't stop to think of fat is am merely hungery and craving edables... so i go with it and eat a nice big healthy supper... And yet i'm slowly losing weight... I need to get out and exercise more.. if we ever get good weather, lots of storms this year, flooding you name it so.. not the best walk/run material.. That and i hate walking alone... BUT i have to get in shape for the move to london ont. New place new life, hell yeah i need to look good! Better then good... better then now.. I admitt i'm not bad to look at, i'm not fat, but i'm not skinny, i have a bit of pudge that needs to be toned... easy fix if i just get the motovation going... My face... well theres nothing wrong there, no blemishes nothing out of place.. do need my right eye looked at though it's being weird... i do have dark rings under my eyes but that doesn't go away with or without sleep...i probably just need sun for that, again easy fix... thats really all thats wrong... body wise mentaly. i'm beyond repair lol.

When i move i need to color my hair again, i'm thinking bright red and yellow bangs, or blond, i just wanna try it, then i need dreadfalls for styling... what else, uhm oh my tongue peirced haha maybe my lip... tattoos... clothes so much to get and do... but for that to happen i need work to save, stupid oromocto and it's stupid people in charge and there stupid stupidness... 2 weeks now i been waiting for a call i shoulda got the day after the first call... can you say being lead in a pointless circle! oi so it's off to timhortons or something tomorrow to apply haha >.> And dealing of course, sell some green to make some 'green' yup... i'll find a way to make it all work...

and he was all like WTF

2006-01-17T22:49:18Z

So uhm, yeah can't really say a whole bunch, guess i don't get out often
Anyways the latest about me is! nothing, still no work i'v been bugging nucomm for the past two weeks now but there just dickin me around, how hard is it to CALL ME BACK and tell me i'm rehireable or not i mean really i been in there 3 times now pestering for an answer... dumbasses it's a reason i don't wanna go back but have to... BUT tomorrow i go bug them again and drope resumes off elsewhere because i need a job regardless and i'm tired of nucomm wasting my time... So if i have to go to timhortons so be it, not as much money but i have ways of making other funds, selling art, selling green etc... anything to get atleast 3000 by the end of april... I need to do something and i need to move staying in oromocto wont get me anywhere...

I need a kitty i can't bring mine with me, and i lived without one for a year and hated it, i just can't handle it it's to damn depressing, kerrie will have her kitty but it's hers not mine.. i need my own... my baby my precious kitty to love and cuddle... yeah...

Still a bit worried all the plans won't pull through so much that can go wrong like.. well i'll just list it
-Stephen palmer some how messing it up (I know he will somehow... sorry kerry but i don't want him in anyway a part of this new life... and you shoulden't either, can do so much better and well no one should have to endure what you do... it's wrong... stop beating yourself up!)
-not enough money on either side! (Me not finding work kerrie spending money.. sorry hun but you do waste a bit ^^; this is a minor worry though)
I guess thats the only things wrong...really... oh apartments were still looking through need something, afordable, and in a good area to walk to where we need to go, not always take a bus...

I guess thats all the big breaking news there is for now... Kitten i may have covered, if there born in time!
Oh and when i move i gotta dye my hair red and blond/yellow bangs... get dreadfalls, peirce my tongue tattoos, clothes so much i wanna do.. if only i can get the proper funds set up... 3 months to go

this little light of mine!

2006-01-06T03:58:29Z

I'm a very cranky person when tired.. as seen below.. but not tired tired... woken up tired where you wake me.. and i'm not quite done sleeping so i get mad and... yell or hit things or... stuff... Yeah... or like below, write angery journal comments ahahaha! So lame... Anywho i'm baked so imma go pee then lay in bed smoke a bowl watch the lesbian show! night

repeat!

2006-01-05T15:51:15Z

Nothing ever really changes, everything just repeats over and over again. Get a job, do this wake up don't sleep go shower don't shower blah fuckity blah...

It's bad enough i constantly have both parents always jumping down my throat just to remind me i'm a fat usless peice of good for nothing trash.. only they use nicer words... and constantly they tell me this.. it never ends I know i'm pathetic, I know I'm usless i know everything your calling me or telling me cause youv told me a million times, and just because i don't follow your every little FUCKING word doesn't mean i didn't hear so stop already, but no i tell you this and still i'm treated like the loser i'm more then aware I am!
I admit i don't like working, nono scratch that.. I don't like working in oromocto, call center... fast food, hmm yeah nothing there is anything remotly motivating... sit on a phone being bitched at all day.. or working in a kitchen with retards that you just wanna smack around hmmmmmm Well lets see, i HATE phones i despise talking to strangers on them.. hate it..i don't like fast food to much... it's nasty None of this gets me anywhere i know i have to do something to make money and leave.... but i don't need to constantly be herassed it won't make me move faster, nono it'll just piss me off and make me put it off longer... dumbasses!

No one listens... no one thinks, everyone asumes the know what the fuck there talking about how i think and whats good and bad... You don't have a clue! Leave me alone for once...

oh no time frame lost

2006-01-03T17:36:02Z

not really just a few days of busy forgetfullness... Well newyears has come and gone, Tried K.. fun stuff right there! got drunk a couple times, wasted etc. Made out with sam again, that was some uhm, interesting night lol, not that i'm complaining ;) I'm a tad stiff in certin areas.. one leg one shoulder.. neck a bit.. i'm aware of why so i only giggle at the pain lol anyways boredom is a bitch so i may go bug kyle today.. heres something to read until then

~The night was young, Midnight had come and gone with ease, leaving a peacful still in the night. The next building over, a few lights remained a glow in windows, but you could tell the night was dead... Everyone tired out from the night before.. She had heard of many parties going on, no doubt, hangovers put all to sleep early. As the wind picked up, Her head still hanging out the window in curious investigation, She was blinded by aburn blure, 'Maybe I should Pin my hair back...' The thought that now set in her mind As she slowly reached to tuck a few locks behind ear. The crisp cool air was already tinging cheeks a soft pink... It was time to look elswhere.. Window was closed as she turned around, fixing windmessed hair and giving a brush off, incase any snow may have come into the window. "It's nice out..." Voice sounded out soft and calm, ended with usual little smile. "Mhm, I bet." Another was on the couch, relaxing, watching... She had her own secretive little smile beconing the other closer for conversation amoung other things, brunette tilted head some, as smile turned to smirk. The one from the window now standing beside, coulden't help but lean down, hands bracing back and arm of couch on either side of her friend, knee carefully taking a rest on couces edge. Smiles exchange, as did growing smirks as they drew in the closing gap....."

Any who thats all you get >( lol wow i'm bored... I think i may go stare at something for a bit... or doodle... whichever!

random really

2005-12-30T03:50:58Z

I like the rain, any rain I love it.. Standing under a ledge or even under nothing, just watching it fall about the land, splattering off of every surface, catching on my hair sending a glittering drop down before my eyes, giving that cool refreshing feeling, adding moisture to your skin tasting it on your lips, and the feel of hot breath on cold lips... so delcious... perfect moment.. alone or with others, it's never bad.. never wrong... It's my perfect heaven.. Standing in the garage door, smoking from the dragon-fly pipe, getting high before heading downstairs for the night. The smoke swirling as the rain repeatedly crashes down, the fog only making it all the more intense.. and the added feel being stoned brings.. no I'm not numb, i feel everything so much more, so intense... serenity... Hmm... Oh hey a tart..

i have to pee :(

2005-12-29T16:40:25Z

It's true.. I really have to pee, So bad my legs are swaying and i'm shivering... picture this.. ~Your sitting in your computer chair, a small one with no arms on either side, the back rest resting on a raised portion thats thin... So your sitting backwards with ribs pressed on the back rest, leaning over just a bit to type.. it's all around rather comfy mind you, Now two feet are braced on extended portions leading out to the wheels.. theres 5 in all but you claimed too, leaving your knees to part and close over and over again as if forcefully pushing your bladder in a way to force the urin back in... And this creates a shiver thats constantly going about your body making you almost spill over the edge.. Now all this also leads to mindless babbling about how you should get up and just go... but why don't you? Unfortunaly.. I'm not sure yet~ So there you have it! I have no idea why i typed all that out, maybe it'll make me giggle later... or look at myself funny... The point is i'm done.. going to go pee :)

brand new!

2005-12-29T06:00:59Z

Ok so recently I been really wanting to just write about anything that pops in my head but not on paper, so here i am.. Again.. I deleted all old entries because.. i don't need the old memories.. there gone thats that.. moving on...

I come to wonder about m yself alot.. Am I pretty...Do I have nice hair, am I to big... What should I change.. Would others like me... I still don't have my answers.. I'm blind deaf and dumb perhaps?

I like this new single life.. it's relaxing free... peacful... Me! BUT!!! it has it's lonely moments, like when your lips get lonely...and you just crave something to kiss, something soft.. delcious warm, makes you shiver... A kiss of all kisses... Perfect serenity.. or something like that... I don't think i ever actually had a kiss that fixed my lonely lips.. well ok there was sam, she makes them not lonely lol i dunno i date horried kisses, you know the wide mouth slobber all over drool central kind.. I guess thats why i'm not the greatest, but i'm not TOO bad...but whats even better is giving or getting those little kisses on soft skin, jaw, neck, throat under then chin shoulders etc... And it's even funner when you do this but avoid the lips, teasing and building up tension till finaly getting the reward... mind you again, never had such things... haha maybe someday! I guess i'm in a giddy mood for thinking like this or just lonely and in a daydream state... I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, and I dream for those sweet delcious breathtaking moments that will never come..I'm corny...

On another note, boredom has recently gotten the best of me, i miss the days of goin out gettin fucked up or just baked out of our minds, but hanging out having fun... crazy moments that give us little stories to talk about next time we hang out or something...everyones too busy :( it's sad growing up..But hey atleast i got new years to look forward too for now, who knows what else from there... I guess i'm done writing for tonight.

~Jen-Lee~